The Trumpeter, The SWOT Man And Sundry Issues
“Whoever commits a fraud is guilty not only of the particular injury to him who he deceives, but of the diminution of that confidence which constitutes not only the ease but the existence of society.”-Samuel Johnson
The last time my friend, The Trumpeter came on a visit was more than three years ago and what a pleasant surprise as he knocked on my door this early morning.
Remember him? He’s the same guy that dialogued with me when Ambassador Fanny Amun was fanning confusion at the Glass House in 2006. He also paid homage as we jaw-jaw over Alhaji Lulu’s House of Friction and he was equally on hand for a chit-chat over the ineptitude that was German coach Berti Vogts in 2008.
Trumpeter and I have really come a long way and t is always a delight to have him around in spite of his peculiar cynicism. This time, many things occupied my mind on sighting him and I guess there would be much in his quiver given his own antecedent. Before I could even drag a seat, this my August visitor have started singing like a canary that I got so confused about what particular topic or event to pin him down to for discussion. But trust my guy; he knows how to break the ice as we chatted right away...
“It’s been quite some time, trust all is well with you despite the challenging times we are today.
“I’m fine. You’re not looking bad either and I can actually see some Goodluck all around you.
“How there you bring Jona into this matter? I don’t want to be charged with treason and sedition. You know I don’t go beyond my purview which you and I know is discussing Nigerian sport.
“We are still on the same page. Can’t you see that it has been harvest of bad luck since our man from South-South took over the reins of government?
”Please, spare me such story. My only concern is the unending crises in Nigerian sport especially the beautiful game vis-à-vis the recent visit of our man to the House Committee on Sports.
“I don’t understand what you are saying and if this is a joke, stop it.
“Joke ke? I’m not here to pull your legs rather but to share important things with you .This is serious issue man or can’t you see or hear the rumblings in the land?
“As for the football matter, I think it’s all cacophony of noise. I can’t see what people are fighting over. I for instance choose to call myself what I want despite the long list of names I was given by so many people I don’t even know because I’m the Special One( I mean the last born and only boy ) in my family...
“Story. You mean there is nothing wrong in NFA or NFF?
“You said so. The people said they don’t want to be referred to as No Future Ambition (NFA) and took the most honourable part by seeking a change and yet some of these clowns keep beating the drum of war.
“I thought they should have stick with NFA. Some said the NFF is not complimentary either. Have you heard people making mess of the NFF as Nigeria Fraud Federation? Can you beat that?
“That’s a punch below the belt. Nigeria Fraud Federation?
“That is what cynics are saying; you know you can never satisfy our people despite your best intentions but how come they reportedly spent so much just to effect changes in their nomenclature?
“Please, spare me this entire yawn. That matter is already in court and that is what my learned and not so erudite friends usually referred to as a sub-judice case. Better keep your opinion least you could incur the wrath of the law. I forewarn you. End of discussion.
“Haba! We still have the other item to discuss or have you forgotten so soon about the other matter I broached with you?
“Which other matter? You know what? I nicknamed you the Trumpeter because you like to cry foul where there is none.
“Trumpeter my foot! Don’t tell me you have short memory. We still have an unfinished business with our man, I mean the SWOT’s man.
“Which one is the SWOT’s man again?
“I can see clearly now that you have a short memory. How can you say you have forgotten about our man so soon? I mean to say; you know; as in (apologies to Jenifa) the Man Friday of his former boss from the Power state?
“You actually got me confused. The SWOT’s man na our man now and what about him?
“Where have you been? The man is in deep shit following the earthshaking revelations at his sitting with The House Committee on Sports to defend how he spent the largesse given to the National Scandal Commission (NSC).Only the Jupiter can save him this time.
“How do you mean that only Jupiter can save him? The man knows his way around the system and has a somewhat ‘mystical arrogance of a survivor. I won’t be surprised if he’s given a carte blanche
“Freedom for where? How can we sweep such corruption under the carpet? What manner of an administrator would allegedly spend a whopping N1, 200,000.00 (One million, Two Hundred Thousand Naira) to open a Facebook account? Can’t you see that he has lost his swagger and his trademark smile has suddenly turned to scowl?
“Think you didn’t hear him well. He said the amount was for Fraud-book account. He must have been misquoted by the press boys ... you and I know that it’s FOC (free of charge) when you open account at Mark Zuckerberg ‘s Facebook. Tell me another story.
“What other story is bigger than this? This has been the hallmark of the National Scandal Commission for years. A piggery is better than that parastatal.
“Yes, I know but I’m reeling in shock that our man could be found in such mess. I thought they said he was a saint when he was taking over from his predecessor-I mean the man who caught fever at FIFA.
“That one is a smart aleck and would never have been so foolish to have incidental such Fraud-book account as part of expenditures. My guess is that our man is truly living to his dream of adopting SWOT as the panacea to lead Nigerian sports to the Promised Land.
“Please educate me, what is SWOT?
“Our embattled chief actually defined SWOT as Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities and Treats of Nigerian Sports on assumption of office as Director General of the NSC.
“Sounds good, isn’t?
“What is good about that? Think our man actually typified all that had been happening at the NSC for aeons: S is for scandals; W is for Weaklings; O is for Oppressors and T is for Thieves.
“You mean our man is a Kleptomaniac too?
“That one is a big grammar but do not say I told you somebody said on Facebook the other day that ‘thief na thief irrespective of the school you graduated from.’
“I agree with you that all thieves are equal but many thieves are superiors to the others. This episode actually transported me to George Orwell’s Animal Farm....
“Don’t tell me you are calling for jungle justice because I don’t understand your drift about Animal Farm.
“Hope you must have heard this phrase before: ‘His cup runs over’
“Just say our man’s cup is full and his day of reckoning has finally come. I forewarned him when he was stepping on toes like a generalissimo.
“What else do you expect of a warrior if he wasn’t trampling on real and imaginary enemies?
“Remember I warned him that .those who lives in glass houses should never throw stones.
“I’d forgotten about that. Tell me something.
“Last year I said the powers that be at the NSC are a true reflection of John Lennon’s saying: ‘they are just insane people running our society for insane objectives?’
“Oh, my God! I take it back that you have short memory. I remember you did tell him that power is transient. Yet our man was behaving like the lord of the manor fomenting troubles all over the land
“He actually had a litany of petitions. On the last count, he has over 195 petitions against him before he was brought to face-to face with the House Committee on Sports.
“But do you trust those fellows at the House of Representatives? I put it to you that they have oversight functions and they can still let him off the hook.
“ My friend, I’m not bothered whatever would be the outcome of this probe but I take solace in the wisdom of the immediate past chairman of Punch Newspapers, Chief Ajibola Ogunsola...
“Why are you dragging the chief into all this? Let him enjoy his retirement in peace but what actually did say?
“This was his last statement in his valedictory interview as Chairman of Punch: ‘really, once you are gone, you are gone my friend.’ I think you can read between the lines and applied it to our man. His time is well over...
“I won’t even bet a dime on that. See you some other time; I have to take my leave now.
“My pleasure boss, you are always welcome....
AFCON 2012: So Far, So Good
Those who thought interest would wane following the non-qualification of traditional super powers at the on-going African Cup of Nations being co-hosted by Gabon and Equatorial Guinea should by now have a rethink.
Missing in action at the African football festival are illustrious teams such as the Super Eagles of Nigeria, Indomitable Lions of Cameroun, The Pharaohs of Egypt, Bafana-Bafana of South Africa. There was this erroneous belief that this tournament was going to lack colour without some of the continent’s glamour teams but nobody is missing them at all.
At the conclusion of the Preliminary First Round matches, we have so much excitement and reasons to be optimistic that the future of African football is bright indeed.
Some of the pre-tournament’s permutations have been tore into shreds: the once-feared Teranga Lions of Senegal returned to Dakar without even winning a game. Sudan that paraded a team made up of only local-based players qualified to the next round at the expenses of former champions, Tunisia. Co-hosts, Gabon and Equatorial Guinea practically live to the billing as ‘the host with the most’ by qualifying for the quarter and playing some of the best matches so far in the competition.
This point was stressed by Mr. Kwesi Nyantakyi, the Confederation of African Football executive committee member and chairman of Ghana Football Association: “What Niger and the others have done here bears testimony to the fact that they're better than Egypt, Cameroon and Nigeria at present. The absence of these so-called heavyweights, in my opinion, has not affected the competition in any way."
Yet, the Elephants of Cote d’Ivoire and Black Stars of Ghana have equally shown their desire to eventually win the tournament but on the strength of what we have seen so far, more shocks are coming along the way.
